he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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