my vag is so smooth its legendary
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
