I saw his package. It spoke to me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
