I accidentally had phone sex last night
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
