I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
