Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
