what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
