I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My ass is underappreciated
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
