Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
