dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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