Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
