i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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