I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
