worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
