So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
