I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Watching her eat just hurts me
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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