I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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