And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
But break dance skills will only take you so far
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
