he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
