I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
