I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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