Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
