Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
