let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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