My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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