i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
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Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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