He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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