DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
