dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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