he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
