wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
