I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
