In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
