Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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