margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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