Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I understand Curling. That high.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
