She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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