My cat gives me a boner
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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