so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
