yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
