just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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