the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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