she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
