There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
