it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
