the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
