she looked like the before picture.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
