No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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