Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
