I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
