girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
