How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
