hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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