we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
