I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
